New Year Resolutions!!

My New Year Resolutions or rather Commandments I have imposed on myself :))



1. Live Life to the fullest . Live every day like you are gonna DIE tomorrow, cos who knows u might and you wont be able to regret later :P

2. Talk Less, Listen More.

3. Laugh a lot.

4. Give a Smile to 5 strangers a day. Help to spread it.

5. Try to do a GOOD deed every week , if not everyday!

6. Don't regret about the past , look forward to the future.

7. Help more , Expect less.

8. Try to be in touch with friends more. Put an Xtra effort. a mail/ message can do it!

9. Love yourself. Understand how beautiful you are as a person.

10. Learn something NEW! can be a language, a recipe anything

11. Make more friends

12. Forgive and forget the people who have hurt you.

13. Learn to appreciate the smaller things in life.

14. Reduce ANGER! Not worth it.

15. Be Fit. Try to Exercise at least three times a week!

16. Try meditation or Yoga again three times a week in the least.

17. Try to help a complete Stranger whenever you get the opportunity!

18. Try not to take the close Friends/ relatives or MOM for granted.

19. Booze, Party , Have fun !

20. Try to do the things you have been wanting to do, but could not due to some crazy reasons.

21. LIVE :: LOVE :: LAUGH ! :)

22. Go to an orphanage once a year!

23. Go and feed animals in BLUE CROSS once a year!

24. Don't care about people who bitch about you! cos frankly they r jealous of you :P

25. Last but not the least try to follow these Resolutions as much as possible :P

SINGLE N READY 2 MINGLE !!!

Never in the last eight years, did I think, I would savor these words as much as am doing now. I know , I have only myself to blame!! But who cares as long as I am happy now :-D. I always have been stupid enough to think that am happy because am in a relationship , someone is out there to love me and care for me , but trust me , after being single, I finally feel free , feel happy and most importantly feel MYSELF !!

I have realized, am a person who should not be restricted, I need to have my space and right now am enjoying every minute of my single status before its rudely going to be snatched from me LOL! I enjoy being myself finally!! but on the pessimistic side, I have almost lost my interest in guys! 8-|

Right now, am a very happy person , and am writing this because I want to know in the future that Today am a happy person cos i took the right decision in breaking off with my Ex BF !! Thank you ex LOL !!

Starts singing and dancing in joy!!

A heartfelt talk with my dad :'(

I cant believe it has been a year!! Whoever said "Time Heals' does not know you as a person. When you left, you have left such a deep scar in my heart that it can never heal. Am taking this hopeless feeling to my grave. Why did god have to make you such a wonderful person and why does he have to take you away before i realize your love , your tenderness, your sacrifice? I have million questions , with no answers. There has not been a day in the past 365 days, where I have not felt an immense loss!! It keeps hurting me to know that , I cant see you , I cant feel you , I cant hear you , I cant have you comfort me , I cant have you scold me , I cant have you teach me , worst of all , I cant Love you !!! You gave so much Love and never expected anything back. Why could have god not made me realize how precious you were? Why did he rudely snatch you away from me, when I began to realize how much I love you ? Why can I not have the simple pleasures of a family ??? :| I am moving on ...I am finding things to distract myself, but it hasn't worked. Every night i feel the pain you felt , i feel the fear you had when you knew you were going to die. I am 23 now, a lot changed as a person, but I have lost the innocence , i have lost being "daddy's lil gurl" In the past year, I have realized how people treat you differently, how people try to meddle in every part of your life .so I have lost ma senses to feel. I dont care about MYSELF anymore.WHat is there to care about? All the people who swore that they would stay with me, are fast fading!! I have learnt the hard way, as to how you made ma life so easy. Now taking everything in, handling a family is not so easy. I have become responsible. Hope you are proud of dat.

The past one year, has shown me the real faces of people name it cousins, friends or anyone ,I interact with. I ask myself everyday after every simple accomplishment i have made.... Where are you to praise me? You praised me when i made coffee for the first time when i was 21!!!!! , You praised me when i merely passed in ma exams, You made me feel loved and cherished, and now you have left , I am wondering will anyone ever recognize me as an individual with feelings and appreciate me ? How could have all this happened ?!?! I love you so much , I really do , M sorry for not having showed you my LOVE, am sorry for being self obsessed, am sorry for talking back for every advice u gave me , am sorry for not listening to you. But are you there to listen to me ? NO !!! ...I can never forget your every act of love. You were the one who stood with me through all my downs. I have been a thoroughly selfish , immature daughter , yet did u cease to love me ??? I couldn't have asked for a better person as ma Father. All around me , I c ppl happy in all ways of life , here m struggling to survive... I now ask with tons of regret WHY ME ?!?! O GOD PLEASE WHY ME?!?! ....I am unable to bear the loss. I am unable to think , feel normally . Why can't I be myself?!!? I just wish , I could also have come with you! I have had enough of life and its ways , I have given up. My strength fails me , Your advices fail me , I have failed miserably in my chapter of life. I yearn for love , Am insecure ...When did i turn so desperate , pathetic?!?! IF only you knew , how much this has taken a toll on me . but if u knew, u wud nt have left me d way I am!!!

I salute you for being the best son, uncle, father and husband!!

You are the greatest person in the world to me!! Your loss is something which can never be replaced. I Just want you to know, Your daughter is a matured responsible gal today, who can cook, who works, who takes family responsibilities, who is taking care of your wife (as u asked for) , who is trying to make everyone happy, who wants to be like you!!

Dad I love you , so much dat it hurts to think about you...I know u made me strong enough to face all of lifes unexpected suprise!! But I am failing miserably after this year. I thought i could move on, I thought I can do it, but please make some one understand , that am a human being after all. I cant cry in front of people, or talk about my problems!! is that so wrong ?? All am asking from you, if at all you can hear me is some LOVE, I feel so lost without it.I am unable to move on . I cant ask mom , she will feel so bad, i dont want to make her cry !!! Help me , guide me as you have always done. I dont want to fail , i want to stand proud in front of so many people. show them that I am a survivor!!

Words fail me , when i Talk about you.

Ohh what will I not give for a chance to talk to you ??


you did not deserve all the pain you went through. you did not deserve the deathly disease. You are a GOOD person. God is unfair , LIfe is unfair. I only hope that your soul rests in peace. Be happy and peaceful wherever you are !! Don't come bak to this selfish and fucked up world !! All am asking is for you to gimme the strength to survive!!

I LOVE U<3 I MISS U<3

Rest in Peace!!!!!!!!!

Dad I Love You!!

I had written this poem , a week before ma dad passed away and haven't posted it..now i thot i cud post it , this is d 3rd poem, i have written in ma life :)




DAD I LOVE YOU!


When I was a kid..
Yu held my hand,
and showed me the meaning of love..!

When I was 10 ..
Yu took me to the park ,
and showed me the meaning of fun..!

When I was in school .
Yu made me read ..
And showed me the meaning of knowledge..!

When I was in my teens…
Yu were reluctant to let me go,
And showed me how to enjoy my life in a harmless way..!

When I was in college..
Yu let me free,
And showed me the world outside..!

When I was 20..
Yu were not happy with my ways in many ways
But you showed me how important it was to let me go when I am older.

When I am 21
I realize how special you are
But cruel fate seems to be teaching me to let you go ..:(

Now am 22
And have realized how special your life was to me
All my life I can not get a dad better than you..!

You gave me everything I needed
At all stages of my life,
Love , materialistic things
More than you could
But fate has made me realize about YOU only now


You gave me life ;
and it kills me to see yours at stake...

You made me walk
Now it kills me to see that you can’t

You made me sleep
And it kills me to see that you can’t

You were , are and will be everything to me
But I feel numb with pain when I see you so helpless

I pray all the gods above
To give me back my precious DAD

I cant ask for anything more precious EVER !!

Marriages through E-Matrimony!!

When I Look at my blog Posting Page, All i see is Drafts which had at one time been waiting to be published but the Laziness of this Writer has made them sit there forever . So i decided that if i take time to write a blog, i will make sure i finish it. And by boldly saying this I know , first of all I have to finish this one :| :P at least by the end of the day. Today priyankas scrap has made me realize i have neglected not one but both of my blogs. I have finished writing up some crap for that one. But this one, would have to use my Creativity (Hopefully I have it).

Well right now one of my friends parents have started looking for a guy for her. And i will explain to you the process they used with the maximum information I have. I know not everyone's marriage is finalized this way. But yet a lot of people might agree with me on this one ;-)

First parents come to the girl/Guy, keep asking her/him "its time for you to get married beta". The first time the children shrug it off, then once the parents become more and more persistent, the children after making up all excuses they can think of, finally accept and say " yeah go ahead". These are the words which any Mom or Dad needs to hear and the Mom tells the daughter , "you don't worry , only if u like the guy, You need to marry him." or vice versa (SInce they r happy that their children did not fall into the web of LOve ;-) )

All done, Guy/Girl is relieved that the Nagging period is over and goes to work. The parent as soon as talking to their children Log into Bharathmatrimony.com , Shaadi.com, Jeevansathi.com etc etc. They create an Online profile for their children . When did this trend become so popular? Not long back ,when i was in 10th or 11th grade my parents used to be talking about my cousins marriage. there all the horoscopes were hand picked from highly trusted people who would be ready to give a Highly recommended testimonial about the Guy/ Girl. once that was settled, the parents would exchange horoscopes and the procedure would move on from there. I ain't complaining here . But when majority of the people still think that chatting and online acquaintance is to be doubted, how can this trend become so popular.How can someone accept a proposal from someone named M1366592 ??? Maybe I am a die hard romantic but this E- matrimony thing does not fit my Bill at all. I believe in falling in Love and all romantic, mushy mushy crap! even while am saying this that millions of hopeful parents maybe including mine *Gulp* are filling out profiles or looking for M344512 and M5681134 to decide the perfect choice for their children!

Call me traditional, but even as time changes, I would not like to get married to M341289!!! I prefer a real person with a name even if it is an arranged marriage. Well my friend who i was referring to earlier and who gave me a topic for this blog was not so lucky. Her parents created a profile the day she said Yes! and the third day they got a match and she has met this M23456 who has a name now, but unfortunately she is not seeing any sparks flying!!!

Who knows what I will land up in future. with the trend creating popularity and making things easier, maybe our destined choices might be a 7 digit code waiting for us at CCD or barista and make polite conversation (as it happened with my frend) and be happy that his/her parents choice of the 7 digit code was indeed good.

PS: am not against the sites which do this, but against the Whole concept!


So for all of you reading this blog, i hope that You fall for a real person than a M453671 !! Romantic fools like me are advised to be cautious :P....:)


and well my knight in shinning Armour has turned out to be a Looser in aluminum foil, but if we sort out things ,he may become the knight in shining Armour again after all LOL :d!

Cheers to all the people to have found their Mr. Right from these E matrimony sites!!

Men and Women !~~! 8-} 8-}

Well my last post is very sad I know And i have not read it after the fiasco in ma office . So i thought how about something good to write in this highly neglected blog.:)


And i am also officially announcing that Sue aka Suefa aka watver u call her , has resigned from this blog and is no longer entitled to use this blog :P =))

Well I was thinking what can i write ...and then i decided that i have always been interested in the mails where men and women try to outwit each other . I myself have a lot of experience here with one particular friend of mine. we both are gr8 looser's at the end :P, but those mails gives us a sadistic pleasure of irritating and degrading the other . b/w did i forget to mention we are best friends???=))

anyway i decided to compile some of these dumb things to again prove that my words has a bigger audience :P

I hope the fairer sex enjoys it and the not so fairer sex =P takes it with a pinch of salt :D as none of it is my words ;-)
so here we go....

Men are like.......

.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

.....Handguns.
Keep one around long enough, and you're going to want to shoot it.


Relationships:


* When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
* A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know there’s always a chance for us".


Maturity:


* Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults.
* Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Groceries:


* A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things.
* A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.


Directions:


* If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.
* Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there", and, "I know I’m in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".


Admitting Mistakes:


* Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.
* The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.


Offspring:


* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Laundry:


* Women do laundry every couple of days.
* A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.

Weddings:


* When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".
* Men talk about "the bachelor party".


A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become. ~Anita Wise

“There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy...like nailing jelly to a tree for example”

“They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.”

“Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece.”

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. ~Mae West

If they can put one man on the moon why can't they put them all there?

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?


And yeah this blog is dedicated to "G" ^:)^

2007 - D year I turned into an Adult!

Well it's been really long since i have posted ...more than one year !!

I decided to write something and update this blog ...but don't have any topic in my mind . I have started a blog to record my daily happenings ...u can find that blog here http://senoinhyd.blogspot.com

But what about this one ?? ..Let me write about my life in 2007 !!

2007 truly turned out to be the worst year in my life ...I Guess there were very few ups and hell lot of downs .But 2007 has made me learn too many things too fast .By the end of 2007 i was made to realize that I am not a kid anymore and I can never be "DADDY"S LITTLE GIRL " anymore :|

The first half of 2007 was kind of okay ...I was making all plans to do my MS ...and preparing for GRE and stuff ....little did I know that fate was going to rudely interrupt my plans for my life FOREVER!

My Most awaited day was my Parents 25th Wedding Anniversary on JULY 08 ...It was going to be a very special day for all of us in the family. But Appa's health started to deteriorate , in a very unexpected and sudden way . He lost his appetite , and did not look good . I and my Dad both are adamant about not going to a doctor , so he protested a lot and kept postponing his trips to the doctor . July 08 came and he was hardly able to eat 1 cup of rice , when we went to celebrate .

So things started getting bad ...and we slowly but steadily forced him to a doctor and the doctor wanted to take a biopsy ...me being the jerk i was ...did not realize the seriousness of the situation and kept fighting with my Dad for this and that . Till date or rather till i die i am going to feel bad about it .Then September 05 Teachers day for all of you but mine I grew up to be an adult ...There came the biopsy report and it clearly stated adeno carcinoma grade III ...well i was puzzled too what the hell was adeno carcinoma ? It turned out to be the Third stage of Stomach cancer ... It came as a rude shock to me . I went to collect the report ...I was shocked ...I could not go home , could not face my dad ? what am i supposed to do now ? I cried all the way to my house and then pretended to have a brave face and entered my house ... I told my dad that it was cancer but very early stages to make him feel brave (when did this change happen ? How come I am trying to protect him rather than vice versa ? ) Have i really grown up ? But this was just the smallest initial blow ..the next week i went to Adayar cancer Institute and there they refused to operate him saying he had only 2 months to Live ...Our family went crazy ...Jus 2 months My parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary and the doctors say he has just 2 more months to live ? 60 days ? really ?

The worst thing you can face in life is slowly seeing the person you love die in front of your eyes , My dad who was everything to me , who made my life easier for me ..crumbled down to pieces ...he was no more the person i Knew ...More than us he was trying to accept the fact that he was going to die ? why would some oner have to have such a cruel fate ? My dad of all people does not deserve it ...Damn all the gods ...They don't deserve the respect people give them ...at least I am sure i won't respect any god ever .. My belief has been shattered !

And the worst is yet to be over ...I saw his last breath and he died in my lap :|
with 2 months of blood vomit ..we all knew the ed is coming but not s tragically ...till date i have nightmares and i have the death scene repeating all over itself. It is not enough that he has to die but he has to die a tragic death ?

And then I realized even if I don't want to I have to become an adult ....I can never recover over his death but writing about it makes me cry and release the buried emotions ...so I have written this blog to get some peace ....I moved away from chennai as chennai brings awful memories nowadays but in hyd i feel lonely ...maybe my life is always meant to be a miserable one (?)


APpa I miss you terribly and love u more than u have ever thot..! I miss sharing good things with u and i miss u so much ...i have turned into a diff person ...I don't like to Live life anymore ...But Sadly I have grown up w/o u seeing it ! I LOVE U !