My 50th post Yay!! My Visit to JAIL!!

I am very proud of my blog today for hitting an half century finally after 3 years of turmoil LOL ! I have become an active blogger very recently, so I hope I can keep up with the pace of updating it as I did it for the last few months.

Anyway coming to the topic,

Today's topic is nothing but a description of ONE of the best days in my life since a very long time. I don't mean to say I wasn't having fun, but being in pure Bliss and having fun are two totally different things and I was fortunate enough to understand and enjoy it last Sunday. :-)

I went to CENTRAL JAIL (lol) last Sunday, and before you make your assumptions, I will try to enlighten you with my little knowledge about the place. The Chennai Central jail was built during 1850's and today I prefer to call it a Monument. This monument which has sheltered so many criminals and freedom fighters alike is going to be broken down to pieces. So the government has made this open for PUBLIC. finally something good from our government I would say! ;-) and i was intrigued to see the place where so many famous and notorious people have been.

I went with someone special *wink wink* which made it doubly special. ;-)
We spent the entire afternoon going into every cell and i tried to find the bits and pieces of art work left by the prisoners. It is really kinda spooky or weird feeling to be in the place where criminals were and to think how depressed even they were in such a suffocating place. I personally would not recommend it to anyone of you LOL!!

There was an eerie feeling in lot of the cells, as if the person who stayed there had lost their soul and only the body was waiting for the release. I have no clue what they were really thinking, but I could see HATE, LOVE, DEPRESSING graffiti s all over. I managed to click a few with my low pixel camera cell, so I don't promise you a visual treat :-D , but I just wanted to share some of the pictures with you guys. And in this post I would prefer for the pictures to do all the talking rather than me as a significance to my 50th post.

This is how depressing I would have got, had i been there :P



Can you see the criss crossed calender of a soul craving for freedom or counting his days?



One of the blocks in the Jail...sends shivers down my spine thinking of the people who stayed there :|



Can you believe, they call this a storage place, and before i forget, its not for the prisoners but for the men in uniform *rolls eyes*



Lord Murugan Graffiti ... Spirituality has no bounds!!



An extension of the Spirituality ...the Holy Cross!!




A graffiti of a enraged woman probably !!




A graffiti of the famous south Indian hero turned politician MGR !



Weapons!! really???



I wonder how much efforts the prisoner took to make something like this ?!!?



Here comes the Hindu Fanatic again!!



The so called political Wing ! Here the prisons have a lot of privileges comparatively like reading the newspaper or writing * frankly I thought privileges had some other meaning:| *



One of the first Blocks I visited !!



A real cell :: The view from outside!



Oh welcome inside to the doomed world :|



My idea of how depressed one would be in such a cell. Its like am gazing outside craving for the freedom !




And yeah I would like to thank that someone special for giving me one of the most wonderful days of my lives. I am happy all thanks to you, so am dedicating my 5oth post to you. Thank you sooooooo much !! *bows* :)

Dead Inside!

I am broken and lost!
I went on for years, without breaking apart
Belling my inward cowardice;
Fear of rejection, fear of failure
Made me mould my mask
Smoothening till perfection
A clone was born to taunt me;

Clone but well trained
Laughed when I cried inside
Soothed and consoled souls aplenty
While I am dying away inside
Creating an identity
While overshadowing mine!

Life seemed easier;
As people started preferring the clone
Over the shattered soul.
The mask tightened over myself
Burying me deeper

I cried out for release
I cried out for my soul
As days passed by
I became feeble and weak
My elastic limit stretched
I lay motionless, and incapable
As the clone was conquering

Now as love turns into misery,
The clone drifts far away. and
Amidst the rage of emotions
Tearing me apart, I try to
Peek a little at my dry life
Only to realize
Am dead inside!

A joyous hearts somersault!

A lonely phase, a lull in my heart,
Broken ties, severed relationships
Betrayal of mortals and immortals alike;
Hardening my shell, constricting me!

Finally a scorch of heat, a spring of joy;
On the hardest terrain; My heart.
A hope of a budding Friendship
Genuine and one in reality!
Makes me confused and ponder,
About the world I revolve around
The safe illusional Virtual bubble!
Can reality peek in? Amidst the coldness?

I let my heart go fonder,
Because of the striking similarities,
the paths we crossed were identical,
The pain of life’s tragedy faced? Miserable!
The sharing to lessen it? Memorable!
Similar thoughts, similar attitudes
From Arrogance to Atheism!

The Mind did not hear the warning bells
The bonding well reciprocated, yells my soul!
Till tragedy struck in a full blow,
Just as the hope swelled,
Turbulence of emotions engulfing me
Distraught, Despair, Betrayal! Yet again?
Unable to react, dumbfounded
Yet the silly heart yearns for the friendship!

As the fear overrides me, I am forced to face the reality,
Pushed into the corner, lonely and lost;
I hear myself shattering, as you see through me
Like we never shared, liked I never exist
The coldness in you, the indifference in you,
Makes my dreadful past surface
With all the pain n misery, eating me alive!

As I gather up myself, to face you yet again
I fear for the coldness, I fear for myself
As fear transforms to anticipation;
And excitement turns to reality,
Sighing at the way Life taunts,
I gather up my wits to face
Yet another cold mundane day
But something entraps my attention
Jerking me to reality, When am far lost in Illusion
The bitter realization of the lost friendship
My body shudders as I Give in my last attempt;
I smile, and I actually see you responding,
O dear god! Am I hallucinating?


The blame game, the anger, the frustration,
Was it really worth the pain?
As we fight, I grin and some more
For gaining the lost! As I ask myself,
Was this melodrama for realization?
Or a brief stint of my Pain dosage for the day?
We are still fighting, blaming and accusing,
My grin is sheepish and I just can’t stop!

Let the awkward pauses fade,
Lets act as if nothing went wrong,
Return me to my Safe Reality bubble
And for once its TRUE ,creating

Multitude of happy tides,
Numerous reasons to smile
Pure joy etched in my heart,
I am happy to be alive!
Because of you my dear Friend!

A new Start, a new Begining!

A new start, a new beginning;
Always enticing, always excites!
The wonder of the mystery,
Of what lies ahead, intrigues;
Contemplating the good, bad and the evil,
The optimist in me runs to the aid,
Pushing aside the peeping pessimism
Future days of the new beginning,
May unfold as memories
Either preferring to be locked deep inside,
Or brings a Smile to cherish,
Of the time well spent, the time relished.

As I leisurely march past,
The scurrying crowd,
My youth and vigor, Fails
To entrap the rush, the hustle
Of the day anticipated.

Nobody seems to drink in the beauty,
Of the early mist, shimmering Sun,
The twittering birds, the swaying leaves
The holy serenity is disrupted
By the swarming people in all directions.
For this is yet another beginning amidst aplenty!

As I see down leisurely, enjoying
My new beginning, my freedom,
I realize I need this time for me
I rejoice the feel of the paper and ink
Giving me the power of words
Inspiring me; eluding me;
I begin this day with the assurance
Of a decision well made
Tempting to reveal the new Start,

Of my first Bus Journey in Solitude.

111 Truths :: Self tagged!!

Tagged by SELF ! :-P
1. Last beverage? Tea. Yesterday morning at 10 :O :-D
2. Last phone call? Ram ( it almost always is...PS: my bro :D)
3. Last text message? From Vodofone(LOL) ...To : Eh... my colleague
4. Last song you listened to? Tere mere beech mein....ek duje keliye (M in love with it again for now!)
5. Last time you cried? Let me think ....:-?? No idea...WOW...arrr..Feb 25th my dads birthday :|

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice? Do you mean after the relationship is over? Nah, Never!
7. Been cheated on? Emotionally cheated yes. Else NO!
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? Been kissed by someone and regretted it :|
9. Lost someone special? Lost almost everyone i loved :| Esp my DAD ! :'(
10. Been depressed?The question should be "ever been out of depression?" :| Ouch these truths hurt :'(
11. Been drunk and threw up? too embarrassed but YES !! :-D

12.LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS
1. Black
2. Blue
3. Baby Pink
4. Violet

HAVE YOU:
13. Made new friends? Yeah, all the time!! :-D
14. Fallen out of love? Yes, but was one of the hardest things to do!and still unsuccessful !!
15. Laughed until you cried? I dont have anything better to do than Laugh!! :-D ...and "laughed till i cried" happened just last weekend, with my mom LOL *when we are on a Virtual matrimonial meet making fun of all the guys haha!* the bonding between mom and daughter <3
16. Met someone who changed you? I get inspired by the good in everyone around me. so yes!
17. Found out who your true friends were? Yes and the Truth was not very pleasant.
18. Found out someone was talking about you? I am so irresistible LOL that people do it all the time hehe. But ask me if i care ;-)
19. Kissed anyone on your friend's list? My ex is in my Friends list :P
20. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? 80% maybe, others I have know for at least 3 years though we have never met!
21. How many kids do you want to have? No idea! But would love Twins of any kind...identical Pleaseeeee... LOL
22. Do you have any pets? I love pets , mine is sitting in blue cross now and this question so sucks for the timing. Given a chance i would love to live with animals rather than human beings in my paradise island :) *starts dreaming*
23. Do you want to change your name? Err...why ?? *eh ...confused* but NO!
24. What did you do for your last birthday? Now this is a good question. I had a blast at office. First working budday Yayyy!! , was in a relationship back then, so had the kinda first long distance relationship budday ...that was weird LOL. but my colleagues made sure i have a blast and smeared cake all over me *smiles fondly* and then got gazillion calls from all over the globe hehe. Last but not the least , had a second budday cake with my brother and again smeared all over me, and was sitting like a pig in the middle of a park haha!
25. What time did you wake up today?I advice weak hearts not to read this :)) , but yeah i got up at 7 AM. SURPRISE dat too on a sunday LOL....damn work has changed my timings :'( hehe
26. What were you doing at midnight last night? Again Surprise...I was sleeping, Man can you believe it ? let alone you ,even I cant believe it . I blame WORK !! :'(
27. Name something you CANNOT wait for : Eh?? Well i gets whims and fantasies of what I want and at such times, i need them ASAP haha, it may be as simple as an icecream to the diamond pendant LOL
28. Last time you saw your father? :| ..I dunno how such a question can strike me so deep..i was having fun writing this :'( ...Nov 26, 2007 :|:| till 6:10 PM...and never will i see him again. I saw him alive till Nov 26, 2007 2 PM. :|:| shit shit ..sorry i got carried away :'(
29. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? Shut it down forever maybe? :|
30. Most visited webpage? Orkut, Gmail, Blogger, Raaga, Facebook, Yahoomail, and recently tamilmatrimony LOL

PERSONAL

31. What's your name? Prabha Rajagopalan
32. Nicknames? Prabha, Prabhu, Amu , kutty, Prabhs, SENO, sen, cindy, Lala and hell lot more ;-)
33. Relationship Status? SINGLE !! *AM very keen on that one haha ;-) *
34. Zodiac sign? Taurus - The bull!
35. Male or female or transgendered? Female.
36. Elementary school? Some Lakes(Sorry forgot the name :P) (LOL) California, USA.
37. High School? Balalok, Chennai.
38. Colleges? Vels srinivasa , Chennai.
39. Hair color? Black.
40. Long or short? Short.
41. Height? 5'5, pretty average :'( sad I know :'( hehe
42. Do you have a crush on someone? No ..again Sad LOL !! :P
43: Ever been in love? Yes.
44. Piercings?Only ears. I am shit scared of an injection let alone a piercing to have another :P
45. Tattoos? I love them, but heard it hurts so NO :P
46. Righty or lefty? Righty

FIRSTS :
47. First surgery? So far NONE!
48. First piercing? First and last only ears and i was one year old ! :-D people take advantage even of one year old dese days...man what has the world come to LOL!
49. First best friends? Joy and ALice in elementary school. Then Jyothsna and malar in my primary education * i have no idea where these people are right now but its nice to remember*
50. First sport you joined: Gymnastics :-D ...and yeah i was pretty good at it * fond memories*
51. First pet? a colored chicken. can u believe that ?? HAHA...and yeah it was a Florescent PINK!!
52. First vacation? I have no clue! Maybe bahrain ?? *i was 3 years old, my memory cant get any better :P) or my Native place, cos when i was one, they took me there or am told!
53. First concert? I din know about concerts till very late. But my brothers Mirudangam arengetram LOL ( kinda like the first time you play a musical instrument in front of a crowd after learning it well enough to play in a stage of course!)
54. First crush: A random guy who was married *shit embarrassing even now* . At 12, i was worried that he is married :)
Miscellaneous:
55. Last date? I have never officially been on a date :| so maybe in 2003 December :|:|:|
56. If in a relationship, who proposed to whom? It was kinda mutual. Now not in one!
57. Present best friends? Krupa!!
58. Last vacation? A holy trip to Kalahasthi LOL. Did i forget to mention, am an atheist ?? :P
59. Given a chance to settle anywhere on earth, where would you go? In a Private island! Like i said before, jus me and my pets will do :)
60. Biggest fear? Death :|
61. Last fist fight: I hit my EX 2 weeks back i guess LOL :P
62. Craziest thing you ever did in your life? A lot, some cherishable, some regrettable, but everything worth it to spice up my life :-D
63. Hidden talents? M multi talented LOL....I have an extremely good memory power when am in the right state of mind.
64. The best moments of life? Everyday, Till i was 10 years old!
65. Things you'd like to change about yourself? My craziness, My anger, My fears, My disappointments, My failures, My life, this list can be never ending haha
66. Party animal or couch potato? Couch potato to the core!
67. How do you like to spend weekends? Sleeping, reading books, writing my heart out. and once in a while going out somewhere , right now i want to hit the beach ALONE!
68. Hobbies? Reading, writing, music, blogging, talking ,surfing the net, doing mehandhi, inventing crazy stories inside my mind, laughing (yeah all r my hobbies even if u dont think so:P) haha!
69. Latest movie you watched? Seven pounds...was sad but I liked it !
70. If your girlfriend/boyfriend cheated on you, what would you do? I will give him a second chance. Life is all about making mistakes!
71. The most embarrassing and the most proud moment of your life? Embarrassing- I was in this flight Loo and a guy opened the door. Shit was it embarrassing dammit ( PS: i was very decent)!! Proud- the way I handled my dad's death and the trying time before it after being the pampered princess for 21 years !

RIGHT NOW:
72. Eating? Nope
73. Drinking? Nope, but have to have coffee dammit.*screams MUMMMY COFFEEE :P*
74. I'm about to? go to the beach maybe!
75. Listening to? Allu Allu (Tamil song :P)
76. Waiting for? a lot of things. too many to mention here :P

YOUR FUTURE :
77. Want kids? Yes, i would love to have TWINS! ;-)
78. Want to get married? Not in the near future(though my stars are apparently not in favor of that:P) but hell yeah!
79. Careers in mind? How about a home maker? LOL ...I wanna be a Psychiatrist ! :|

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
80. Lips or eyes? Eyes...tells more about the person!
81. Hugs or kisses? A warm Hug any day !
82. Shorter or taller? Taller
83. Older or Younger? Def'ly Older...no immature kiddish boys for me anymore please !!:P
84. Romantic or spontaneous? Romantic all the way!
85. Nice stomach or nice arms? Eh...never thought about this, but I guess arms!!
86. Sensitive or loud? Either Sensitive or I will show you the way out LOL :P
87. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship leading to a future !!
88. Trouble maker or hesitant? Trouble maker !!

HAVE YOU EVER :
89. Kissed a stranger? ??!!?!?!??
90. Lost glasses/contacts? I have never worn glasses or lenses!
91. Sex on first date? Hell no!
92. Broken someone's heart? I guess yes! but never intentionally !
93. Had your own heart broken? Yes and it sucks !
94. Been arrested? No LOL. but yeah once i went to the police station at 2:00 AM(midnight hehe) cos i was lost during a religious overnight something(it is like going around a huge mountain at midnight and there were millions of people). I and my friend ending up eating all the biscuits, puffed rice and juice from the police men till my mom came to collect us haha!
95. Turned someone down? Yeah!
96. Cried when someone died? :| Dont wanna talk about it !
97. Liked a friend that is a boy? Yeah! But was just a crush that lasted 2 weeks LOL :P

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
98. Yourself? Yes, but recently not too much!
99. Miracles? No way!
100. Love at first sight? No. Then its all about looks. we are talking about LOVE here people, you need to know the person sheesh! :P
101. Heaven? No.
102. Santa Clause? Would like to believe ;-)
103. Kiss on the first date? A sweet peck on the cheek - yeah, but a lustful one NO! :P
104. Angels? I wish LOL.
105. God? - Not in the least ANYMORE!
106. Devils - I am the devil mwahahah!! :P

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
107. Is there one person you want to be with right now? I dont want anyone. am sick of relationships right now!
108. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No. And i never will.Am too good in that way alone :P. For the love of god, i love my bloody ex even now when i can venture into greener pastures LOL
109. Wanted to kill someone ever? - Yeah, I still do: Myself :P
110. Wanted to steal your friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? - LOL NO, NEVER...there is a lot of fish in the sea after all :P
111. Posting this as 111 Truths? Yes. everything is truthful, i can swear by a bible LOL!



I pass on this tag to anyone who are as bored as me in Life lol :P. and yeah i added 11 more ;-)

Goody Bye HOUSE !!

For all those who supported me during my sad phase during my previous post,and all of you who read my blog, am first dedicating this bouquet of Violets. Thank you so much for brightening my life and being with me though my lows and highs. You people , each one of you who read, comment on my blog and talk with me, all the ILMBF gurls, and all my friends enrich my sad life. No words can express my gratitude.



And Yeah! finally the day has come when I am going to leave this home and move to another place. Its like a mix of emotions in my already troubled mind. I feel happy cos this might make a huge change in my life. and another part saddens me to leave this place which was so unlucky in regards with my dads death but still is filled with his memories in every nook and corner. I still am packing and also blogging cos this will be my last post from this house, so am making sure I am filling both my blogs :D

Maybe this is the change I want after all, maybe this is my first step to leave behind the bad memories and start afresh. I like few things about the new house, itz damn close to the beach, so I can walk in the beach everyday :) and also because I have a gang of my crazy college guys there . I hadn't realized till now, how close they were to me. Now we are re bonding big time and am sure those guys will make me more than happy. This is going to bring me back into the Friends circle close to me.

Secondly I know I have to reduce weight, so am going to join something or the other to loose weight.(Not to forget the beach walks or cycling WOW! :D) So the new house will already anticipate two major changes in my life. Hope lots more are there in store for me , like a new guy maybe LOL . My mom is going to start looking seriously, so wish me luck people. I don't want a creep again LOL !


Will meet all you guys and my gracious followers LOL from my new HOME . and my mom has started yelling, got to pack people so Sayanora for now !!

Love

Seno :)

shattered :'(

O dearest daddy,
words cant express how much
I am missing you right now.
I don't know what am doing,
I don't know why am blogging.
all I know is am dead inside.

I am cranky, moody and sad,
if only you were near me,
If only I could hear you speak,
If only I could feel your presence,
O my! what a Life am I leading?


why cant i feel happiness?
why do i feel so numb?
what did I ever do so bad?
for the pain that pierces me!
am shattered ,
I miss you like crazy!

Why me? why me? why me?
why did you leave me?
to know what this f*ked up life is all about?
I have learnt enough,
I have ached enough
come and show me how to be gay
I have lost hope in everything
the future seems bleak
I have no one to my aid,
O daddy dearest I love you!

I have had enough,
I lost you,
I lost my relationship,
I lost my happy family,
I have lost faith in myself!
Oh please take me away from my miseries,
take me away from this pain..

Happy birthday !
Happy birthday to you!
happy birthday dear daddy..
happy birthday to YOU!

Love
Your shattered daughter!

Annie tagged me yet again :P

I AM : WHAT I AM ;-) ... charming , funny and cute, and also fiercely independent ...watver the bottom line is M irresistible hahah


I THINK : I am a pretty nice person ;-) , I think about almost anything and everything, my mind is hyper compared to my body :-D


I KNOW : that I need to lose weight like annie :P


I WANT : My dad back :|, to start my life afresh (Fat chance:P) I want the old days back :'(


I HAVE: a thirst for learning a lot of new stuff in my life! , a zest for life ;-)


I WISH : I don't wish anymore, what ever should happen , will happen anyway, whats the point in wishing anyway *rolls eyes* ? But i do Wish my EX best friend LOl a very happy birthday today :)


I HATE : My fears , i need to conquer em soon!!


I MISS : One and only my DAD forever :'(


I FEAR : DEATH ( as if fearing would help me haha :P)


I HEAR : Voices inside my head at times *seriously* =))


I SMELL : Have a very bad cold, nose is completely blocked, so sorry I don't smell a thing right now ;-)


I CRAVE : for chocolates, ice creams , so basically anything that makes me gain a pound in a second >:) mwahahha


I SEARCH: only in GOOGLE (lame i Know:P)


I WONDER : if at all, I can have a normal life like the sane people around me :P


I REGRET : the list is endless, move on shall we ? ;-)


I LOVE : My family, friends , My doggie!!


I ACHE : when i see happy families around me . I don't have ONE now:'(


I WAS NOT : as hawt(read fat ) as I am right now LMAO=))


I AM NOT : as insensitive and unemotional as I portray myself to be :D


I CRY : only in front of myself :|


I BELIEVE: in MYSELF!!


I DANCE : when No 1 is watching :D (Cant help it , if I have two left feet, Itz a genetic flaw peeps :P)


I SING : all the time, till people threaten to choke the hell outta me haha!! :D


I READ : anything and everything. I love reading books, blogs, newspapers, magazines, letters whatever :P ;-)


I DONT ALWAYS : speak my mind. I tend to tell a lot of white lies.


I FIGHT : with people who are close to me ONLY!


I WRITE : a lot, most of my blogs are still unpublished ;-)


I WIN : almost all arguments,even if am wrong ;-)


I LOSE : my pens all the time!! *I wonder whats with pens and me seriously*


I NEVER : would hurt anyone intentionally !


I ALWAYS : Like to be myself!


I CONFUSE : Independence day and republic day :| ..and also shirts and t-shirts, odd and even :|:| these three are the things I confuse almost ALWAYS!


I LISTEN : to the same songs I like over n over again, till I get bored of Em :P


I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND : in a group of people, laughing in the loudest pitch ever :P


I AM SCARED : of being too much in love with someone*Ouch! even the memory hurts*


I NEED : to sort out my messed up life !


I AM HAPPY : When I am with animals , or I do something good for another living being!:)


I IMAGINE : almost anything which can be remotely related to being WEIRD :D


Now I just pass on the tag to anyone and everyone who pass by my blog.

About Annie - I think, she is an amazing human being, tough on the outside but so tender on the inside !!:) Mwah >:d<

Self Appraisal ...:)) My long last and best Testimonial recieved EVER !!

This is the testi ma bestest frend wrote for me ....i kinda thot i had lost it , but i got it bak yayyyyyyyy \:d/ so posting here , so dat u peeps can get to know me ;-) hahha!!! PS: he was too shy to post it even in ORKUT lol=))

A friend is a personal relationship. I like and admire many people who i don’t consider friends.I choose to think of friend as a very strong word, representing a very close relationship..

Seno...no call her prabha..for all those people who dunno.. Thats wot her name is...

I kno am not the only person who thought her name was seno!!!! Prabha is sucha..stupid('s) name....[:p]


You are friendly, kind and caring, sensitive, loyal and understanding, humorous, fun, secure and true..special, accepting, exciting and wise ..truthful and helpful,..blah blah... I kno these things don’t define her… but then I had to write some so called NORMAL good qualities..one sec.. is she anyway normal…?? I guess I might end up having a huge debate with anybody who have doubts….of course I shall be against the topic [8)]

Actually I have a lot to say bout this gal.. But i aint tat good at words so I let you people figure that out urselves…Its just that i am very happy knowing her.. And its not everyday i get to make such a great friend...so i intend to hold onto you for a long long time gal....

Am sure other friends ov hers have already mentioned bout her luxuriously jabbering ability...And must say she does that pretty effortlessly.. but she has made sure I have been tamed enough to lissen to her forever…:-<

Nonetheless this devil (a fictional angel as some may say) has a lot of opinions about everything around her... No wonder she always has issues with me.. I swear I havent met anybody so critical about each and every action of mine... But then thats what gets the better of me....[:p]

Whoever knows her would have definitely got a soupçon of this quality of hers…… or is it only me whos been soo……. “Lucky” =))

Frankly shes someone i turn to whenevr i need a push(kick) to lift ma spirits..shes just a call away when i need tat instant advise on somethin "hardly" important....then she throws this sensible advice rite on ma face...makes me feel too dumb..i may sound a parasite maselv but then when things are this easy to fetch(and so bug free) why flex ur super complex brains....wot say seno...[:d]

Most of the time she is a teacher, a very good one, who constantly questions me. "those of course are the best teachers, the ones who ask you to think"...evn tho her questions have been annoyin at times[:p] it did make me smart.. Mayb thats what she wanted me to become...[8)]..am there am there..!!!!

I talk to her bout almost anything .. share feelings, talk about our enthusiasms, our ideas, the things we care bout, the things we don’t care bout.. everythin.. Carefree… as I believe if I ever find i must be careful how i say things, then it’s something other than friendship.

That’s what she is…. If you get to be in her good friends list then you get the warrant to talk about anything… anytime… anywhere…

Shes makes you feel very comfortable…. Way to go bugger…

Continuing on ma lill talk on friendship I can only say I haven chosen to call prabha as a friend.. a true friend with every moment spent worth relishing.

Thanks for everythin...

Cheerz

New Year Resolutions!!

My New Year Resolutions or rather Commandments I have imposed on myself :))



1. Live Life to the fullest . Live every day like you are gonna DIE tomorrow, cos who knows u might and you wont be able to regret later :P

2. Talk Less, Listen More.

3. Laugh a lot.

4. Give a Smile to 5 strangers a day. Help to spread it.

5. Try to do a GOOD deed every week , if not everyday!

6. Don't regret about the past , look forward to the future.

7. Help more , Expect less.

8. Try to be in touch with friends more. Put an Xtra effort. a mail/ message can do it!

9. Love yourself. Understand how beautiful you are as a person.

10. Learn something NEW! can be a language, a recipe anything

11. Make more friends

12. Forgive and forget the people who have hurt you.

13. Learn to appreciate the smaller things in life.

14. Reduce ANGER! Not worth it.

15. Be Fit. Try to Exercise at least three times a week!

16. Try meditation or Yoga again three times a week in the least.

17. Try to help a complete Stranger whenever you get the opportunity!

18. Try not to take the close Friends/ relatives or MOM for granted.

19. Booze, Party , Have fun !

20. Try to do the things you have been wanting to do, but could not due to some crazy reasons.

21. LIVE :: LOVE :: LAUGH ! :)

22. Go to an orphanage once a year!

23. Go and feed animals in BLUE CROSS once a year!

24. Don't care about people who bitch about you! cos frankly they r jealous of you :P

25. Last but not the least try to follow these Resolutions as much as possible :P

SINGLE N READY 2 MINGLE !!!

Never in the last eight years, did I think, I would savor these words as much as am doing now. I know , I have only myself to blame!! But who cares as long as I am happy now :-D. I always have been stupid enough to think that am happy because am in a relationship , someone is out there to love me and care for me , but trust me , after being single, I finally feel free , feel happy and most importantly feel MYSELF !!

I have realized, am a person who should not be restricted, I need to have my space and right now am enjoying every minute of my single status before its rudely going to be snatched from me LOL! I enjoy being myself finally!! but on the pessimistic side, I have almost lost my interest in guys! 8-|

Right now, am a very happy person , and am writing this because I want to know in the future that Today am a happy person cos i took the right decision in breaking off with my Ex BF !! Thank you ex LOL !!

Starts singing and dancing in joy!!

A heartfelt talk with my dad :'(

I cant believe it has been a year!! Whoever said "Time Heals' does not know you as a person. When you left, you have left such a deep scar in my heart that it can never heal. Am taking this hopeless feeling to my grave. Why did god have to make you such a wonderful person and why does he have to take you away before i realize your love , your tenderness, your sacrifice? I have million questions , with no answers. There has not been a day in the past 365 days, where I have not felt an immense loss!! It keeps hurting me to know that , I cant see you , I cant feel you , I cant hear you , I cant have you comfort me , I cant have you scold me , I cant have you teach me , worst of all , I cant Love you !!! You gave so much Love and never expected anything back. Why could have god not made me realize how precious you were? Why did he rudely snatch you away from me, when I began to realize how much I love you ? Why can I not have the simple pleasures of a family ??? :| I am moving on ...I am finding things to distract myself, but it hasn't worked. Every night i feel the pain you felt , i feel the fear you had when you knew you were going to die. I am 23 now, a lot changed as a person, but I have lost the innocence , i have lost being "daddy's lil gurl" In the past year, I have realized how people treat you differently, how people try to meddle in every part of your life .so I have lost ma senses to feel. I dont care about MYSELF anymore.WHat is there to care about? All the people who swore that they would stay with me, are fast fading!! I have learnt the hard way, as to how you made ma life so easy. Now taking everything in, handling a family is not so easy. I have become responsible. Hope you are proud of dat.

The past one year, has shown me the real faces of people name it cousins, friends or anyone ,I interact with. I ask myself everyday after every simple accomplishment i have made.... Where are you to praise me? You praised me when i made coffee for the first time when i was 21!!!!! , You praised me when i merely passed in ma exams, You made me feel loved and cherished, and now you have left , I am wondering will anyone ever recognize me as an individual with feelings and appreciate me ? How could have all this happened ?!?! I love you so much , I really do , M sorry for not having showed you my LOVE, am sorry for being self obsessed, am sorry for talking back for every advice u gave me , am sorry for not listening to you. But are you there to listen to me ? NO !!! ...I can never forget your every act of love. You were the one who stood with me through all my downs. I have been a thoroughly selfish , immature daughter , yet did u cease to love me ??? I couldn't have asked for a better person as ma Father. All around me , I c ppl happy in all ways of life , here m struggling to survive... I now ask with tons of regret WHY ME ?!?! O GOD PLEASE WHY ME?!?! ....I am unable to bear the loss. I am unable to think , feel normally . Why can't I be myself?!!? I just wish , I could also have come with you! I have had enough of life and its ways , I have given up. My strength fails me , Your advices fail me , I have failed miserably in my chapter of life. I yearn for love , Am insecure ...When did i turn so desperate , pathetic?!?! IF only you knew , how much this has taken a toll on me . but if u knew, u wud nt have left me d way I am!!!

I salute you for being the best son, uncle, father and husband!!

You are the greatest person in the world to me!! Your loss is something which can never be replaced. I Just want you to know, Your daughter is a matured responsible gal today, who can cook, who works, who takes family responsibilities, who is taking care of your wife (as u asked for) , who is trying to make everyone happy, who wants to be like you!!

Dad I love you , so much dat it hurts to think about you...I know u made me strong enough to face all of lifes unexpected suprise!! But I am failing miserably after this year. I thought i could move on, I thought I can do it, but please make some one understand , that am a human being after all. I cant cry in front of people, or talk about my problems!! is that so wrong ?? All am asking from you, if at all you can hear me is some LOVE, I feel so lost without it.I am unable to move on . I cant ask mom , she will feel so bad, i dont want to make her cry !!! Help me , guide me as you have always done. I dont want to fail , i want to stand proud in front of so many people. show them that I am a survivor!!

Words fail me , when i Talk about you.

Ohh what will I not give for a chance to talk to you ??


you did not deserve all the pain you went through. you did not deserve the deathly disease. You are a GOOD person. God is unfair , LIfe is unfair. I only hope that your soul rests in peace. Be happy and peaceful wherever you are !! Don't come bak to this selfish and fucked up world !! All am asking is for you to gimme the strength to survive!!

I LOVE U<3 I MISS U<3

Rest in Peace!!!!!!!!!

Dad I Love You!!

I had written this poem , a week before ma dad passed away and haven't posted it..now i thot i cud post it , this is d 3rd poem, i have written in ma life :)




DAD I LOVE YOU!


When I was a kid..
Yu held my hand,
and showed me the meaning of love..!

When I was 10 ..
Yu took me to the park ,
and showed me the meaning of fun..!

When I was in school .
Yu made me read ..
And showed me the meaning of knowledge..!

When I was in my teens…
Yu were reluctant to let me go,
And showed me how to enjoy my life in a harmless way..!

When I was in college..
Yu let me free,
And showed me the world outside..!

When I was 20..
Yu were not happy with my ways in many ways
But you showed me how important it was to let me go when I am older.

When I am 21
I realize how special you are
But cruel fate seems to be teaching me to let you go ..:(

Now am 22
And have realized how special your life was to me
All my life I can not get a dad better than you..!

You gave me everything I needed
At all stages of my life,
Love , materialistic things
More than you could
But fate has made me realize about YOU only now


You gave me life ;
and it kills me to see yours at stake...

You made me walk
Now it kills me to see that you can’t

You made me sleep
And it kills me to see that you can’t

You were , are and will be everything to me
But I feel numb with pain when I see you so helpless

I pray all the gods above
To give me back my precious DAD

I cant ask for anything more precious EVER !!

Marriages through E-Matrimony!!

When I Look at my blog Posting Page, All i see is Drafts which had at one time been waiting to be published but the Laziness of this Writer has made them sit there forever . So i decided that if i take time to write a blog, i will make sure i finish it. And by boldly saying this I know , first of all I have to finish this one :| :P at least by the end of the day. Today priyankas scrap has made me realize i have neglected not one but both of my blogs. I have finished writing up some crap for that one. But this one, would have to use my Creativity (Hopefully I have it).

Well right now one of my friends parents have started looking for a guy for her. And i will explain to you the process they used with the maximum information I have. I know not everyone's marriage is finalized this way. But yet a lot of people might agree with me on this one ;-)

First parents come to the girl/Guy, keep asking her/him "its time for you to get married beta". The first time the children shrug it off, then once the parents become more and more persistent, the children after making up all excuses they can think of, finally accept and say " yeah go ahead". These are the words which any Mom or Dad needs to hear and the Mom tells the daughter , "you don't worry , only if u like the guy, You need to marry him." or vice versa (SInce they r happy that their children did not fall into the web of LOve ;-) )

All done, Guy/Girl is relieved that the Nagging period is over and goes to work. The parent as soon as talking to their children Log into Bharathmatrimony.com , Shaadi.com, Jeevansathi.com etc etc. They create an Online profile for their children . When did this trend become so popular? Not long back ,when i was in 10th or 11th grade my parents used to be talking about my cousins marriage. there all the horoscopes were hand picked from highly trusted people who would be ready to give a Highly recommended testimonial about the Guy/ Girl. once that was settled, the parents would exchange horoscopes and the procedure would move on from there. I ain't complaining here . But when majority of the people still think that chatting and online acquaintance is to be doubted, how can this trend become so popular.How can someone accept a proposal from someone named M1366592 ??? Maybe I am a die hard romantic but this E- matrimony thing does not fit my Bill at all. I believe in falling in Love and all romantic, mushy mushy crap! even while am saying this that millions of hopeful parents maybe including mine *Gulp* are filling out profiles or looking for M344512 and M5681134 to decide the perfect choice for their children!

Call me traditional, but even as time changes, I would not like to get married to M341289!!! I prefer a real person with a name even if it is an arranged marriage. Well my friend who i was referring to earlier and who gave me a topic for this blog was not so lucky. Her parents created a profile the day she said Yes! and the third day they got a match and she has met this M23456 who has a name now, but unfortunately she is not seeing any sparks flying!!!

Who knows what I will land up in future. with the trend creating popularity and making things easier, maybe our destined choices might be a 7 digit code waiting for us at CCD or barista and make polite conversation (as it happened with my frend) and be happy that his/her parents choice of the 7 digit code was indeed good.

PS: am not against the sites which do this, but against the Whole concept!


So for all of you reading this blog, i hope that You fall for a real person than a M453671 !! Romantic fools like me are advised to be cautious :P....:)


and well my knight in shinning Armour has turned out to be a Looser in aluminum foil, but if we sort out things ,he may become the knight in shining Armour again after all LOL :d!

Cheers to all the people to have found their Mr. Right from these E matrimony sites!!

2007 - D year I turned into an Adult!

Well it's been really long since i have posted ...more than one year !!

I decided to write something and update this blog ...but don't have any topic in my mind . I have started a blog to record my daily happenings ...u can find that blog here http://senoinhyd.blogspot.com

But what about this one ?? ..Let me write about my life in 2007 !!

2007 truly turned out to be the worst year in my life ...I Guess there were very few ups and hell lot of downs .But 2007 has made me learn too many things too fast .By the end of 2007 i was made to realize that I am not a kid anymore and I can never be "DADDY"S LITTLE GIRL " anymore :|

The first half of 2007 was kind of okay ...I was making all plans to do my MS ...and preparing for GRE and stuff ....little did I know that fate was going to rudely interrupt my plans for my life FOREVER!

My Most awaited day was my Parents 25th Wedding Anniversary on JULY 08 ...It was going to be a very special day for all of us in the family. But Appa's health started to deteriorate , in a very unexpected and sudden way . He lost his appetite , and did not look good . I and my Dad both are adamant about not going to a doctor , so he protested a lot and kept postponing his trips to the doctor . July 08 came and he was hardly able to eat 1 cup of rice , when we went to celebrate .

So things started getting bad ...and we slowly but steadily forced him to a doctor and the doctor wanted to take a biopsy ...me being the jerk i was ...did not realize the seriousness of the situation and kept fighting with my Dad for this and that . Till date or rather till i die i am going to feel bad about it .Then September 05 Teachers day for all of you but mine I grew up to be an adult ...There came the biopsy report and it clearly stated adeno carcinoma grade III ...well i was puzzled too what the hell was adeno carcinoma ? It turned out to be the Third stage of Stomach cancer ... It came as a rude shock to me . I went to collect the report ...I was shocked ...I could not go home , could not face my dad ? what am i supposed to do now ? I cried all the way to my house and then pretended to have a brave face and entered my house ... I told my dad that it was cancer but very early stages to make him feel brave (when did this change happen ? How come I am trying to protect him rather than vice versa ? ) Have i really grown up ? But this was just the smallest initial blow ..the next week i went to Adayar cancer Institute and there they refused to operate him saying he had only 2 months to Live ...Our family went crazy ...Jus 2 months My parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary and the doctors say he has just 2 more months to live ? 60 days ? really ?

The worst thing you can face in life is slowly seeing the person you love die in front of your eyes , My dad who was everything to me , who made my life easier for me ..crumbled down to pieces ...he was no more the person i Knew ...More than us he was trying to accept the fact that he was going to die ? why would some oner have to have such a cruel fate ? My dad of all people does not deserve it ...Damn all the gods ...They don't deserve the respect people give them ...at least I am sure i won't respect any god ever .. My belief has been shattered !

And the worst is yet to be over ...I saw his last breath and he died in my lap :|
with 2 months of blood vomit ..we all knew the ed is coming but not s tragically ...till date i have nightmares and i have the death scene repeating all over itself. It is not enough that he has to die but he has to die a tragic death ?

And then I realized even if I don't want to I have to become an adult ....I can never recover over his death but writing about it makes me cry and release the buried emotions ...so I have written this blog to get some peace ....I moved away from chennai as chennai brings awful memories nowadays but in hyd i feel lonely ...maybe my life is always meant to be a miserable one (?)


APpa I miss you terribly and love u more than u have ever thot..! I miss sharing good things with u and i miss u so much ...i have turned into a diff person ...I don't like to Live life anymore ...But Sadly I have grown up w/o u seeing it ! I LOVE U !

My most memorable trip...\:/d\:d/

My trip to Delhi was my dream vacation….not because I liked Delhi so much, in fact I hardly visited any tourist spots in Delhi. Yet the people I met there have made a deep impact on me. Who did I meet, my friends, my relatives, childhood friends??? No I met my online friends :D , My friends from ORKUT. Well to be honest about it, I never thought I would make online friends let alone meet them. I have known these people just for a couple of months ….an yet the fun I had with them can’t be expressed in words. To make the long story short let me just tell you guys what I did instead of going on nd on about my friends :P

December 7^th :

I am in Delhi staying with my cousins and I have promised to meet my online sister manshi around 1 PM …and yeah! I changed the timings a lot because I had to be dropped off by my cousin at a place called ashram. I have just spoken to this girl for 6 months, have seen pictures and shared secrets,yet I was so anxious, how will she be in real, am I going to meet the same girl or will she be a total stranger??? Lot of thoughts in my head ….and I had promised her I would stay with her for four days too. so was really confused and when I met her I was like whoaaaaaaa…….she is so tiny (just my first impression ) is she elder to me?? She came forward and hugged me, then she told me the plans for the day, that I had to meet suefa , poorva the same day. I was like what???? I have my bags with me and I have come like a beggar :O :P…yet I had to go =((……so I followed her like mary’s little lamb and we reached a place called CP . there we called up poorva and met up at PIZZA HUT . I was happy to see that manshi was the same cute big sister and there I see two more sweethearts poorva and suefa and we start talking like we have been friends for years and not months and as if we have met each other daily , there was no awkwardness at all , we got along so well like a house on fire =)) we started talking talking….and poorva called up rachit so rachit came straight from his college too ….we could not sit in the pizza hut for a long time in the fear of being thrown out :P , so we moved from the pizza hut and were just roaming the streets of Delhi and talking with each other ….soon we realized we had to take pictures to make the people around us jealous =)) so we had a photo session for about one hour in the streets …..we had so much fun taking pictures and calling up total strangers to take our pictures….and surprise pooorva’s parent’s allowed her for the night stay too…\:d/\:d/ . we were so tired after all the fun and from the continuous laughing session too :P ,So suefa and rachit left : (( but me poorva and manshi went straight to manshis place . as soon as I entered her room …….me being the net addict went to the system while manshi and poorva went to get the dinner :P and then you guys cant imagine how much fun we had , it was a total girls night out and we took a lot of snaps like we were totally crazy……we talked , laughed , ate , gossiped etc etc…D we didn’t feel like we missed suefa because she was with us in the phone all the time =)) and I slept of as I was talking……..:P

December 8^th:

I have stayed with my online friends without any problems…now I became very comfortable too. Today we had no big plans, poorva had to leave now, so we got up early morning around 9 AM and left manshi’s home, after poorva left manshi took me to another market , I had started enjoying the new place a lot , I tried a lot of local food in the market and we started shopping \:d/\:d/ we spent like hours in shopping :P, I ate cotton candy too :D…. and then we got a call to meet sehran. so we left the market loaded with shopping bags and met sehran , he was also the same guy I had spoken to , none of them had an artificial personality like I had expected :P and we spoke with him for some time and had to leave for manshis place again. We had to reach early so we left and were so tired by the time we went to her place, I just went and fell on the bed immediately :P …we had reached early , but we had to go and have our dinner ….so after taking rest for sometime , we went to some mall and we had our dinner , there I met manshis best friend komal .he was friendly even though he didn’t know me at all …:D

It was freezing cold in the streets of Delhi :-ss :D and we returned after our dinner , we had our share of sisters talk in the nights , as we were busy roaming around in the morning and then what ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz…..:P


December 9^th:

Yet another day over and today we slept a lot after roaming around like crazy for two days , today our plans included shopping yeah! ….again and meeting up shalini \:d/ …so I was excited for both…:D we left home a little late in the morning and went to CP again. I was so hungry that I didn’t wait for shalini to arrive and started eating………:P ….shalini came inside and was like seno??? I was like yeah…:D and we hugged each other and started talking …manshi had to go out for a while …..and we both were just talking away to glory…=)) shalini was very cool….i loved talking with her and yeah we had to have a photo session with shalini too….:P and we took a lot of pictures again ……shlini kept clicling my pictures in various poses =)) ….and did I forget to mention all the days I was treated like a princess…..:D…then shalu invited me over to her place for chloe bature for the next day =p~=p~ and she left …: ) …..we left for shopping again …=)) and by the end of the day we had loads of shopping bags again…:p ,manshi was so sweet to help me with all the shopping and most important carrying all thoem home…:D….but this day ..we were so worn out….we just went out for dinner and when we were back both of us hit the sack immediately……..:D


December 10^th:

Yeah my last day at manshis place =((…..we had enjoyed so much in these three days , its really hard to say bye…: ( . I got up and packed my things and started getting ready….manshi woke up and helped me with my packing ….we werent going anywhere today. She just had to drop me off at ashram for shalini to pick me up. We didn’t talk much today , I guess it was too painful for both of us to talk on this day …….we just had the common talk nothing special , both of us knew parting was hard. it was just three days with her …yet it was like my life’s most memorable three days ….i still miss her =((

So we left her place and she dropped me at ashram where shalini took me to her home

In shalini’s home they had prepared the menu consulting my friends:O=)) I wasn’t there for a long time , but they really made me feel like a celebrity :D …her mom was so sweet with me and she prepared so much for me to eat =)) …next I met her little sister parul too .she is damn cute and soft spoken unlike shalini :P….we ate and then chatted for a while and again I logged in…:p to check my orkut scraps and then I got a call from my cousin , so I had to leave ….but not before stuffing me with loads of ice cream =))…..her sister kept taking pictures till the lift door was closed :o :D….and then I left to my cousins place but still spoke with everyone on the phone….:D

SPECIAL DEDICATIONS TO THE PEOPLE I MET:

Manshi : she is just the perfect elder sister anyone can ask for , she bared with me for three whole days =)) ….. and she is far more better when you meet her . I miss her a lot ……but say what I got a real sister for keeps and am happy for that ….and next time I have promised her I would land directly in her home=)) she is like the perfect example for beauty and brains :P

Suefa : Ahhhhhh!! Here comes the turn for my crazy twin ….we didn’t get to spend a long time together ….because she had to go for a wedding ….she is a lot of fun to be with. She is crazy I know that ….but not too much like me……:P. but loved every minute talking to her.

Poorva: Dark chocolate babe …:P…she is like a teddy bear, who you would love to hug and talk with……..we had great fun on our night out …..Some of the pictures came out weird…:P but yet love ya loads >:d<

Rachit: He is definitely a sweetheart .he is just a very simple and cute guy, who would never accept me as hi sister : ( …:P …so innocent and pure at heart , and made me feel very comfortable .The Perfect Gentleman…b-)

Sehran: The song composer …:P .yeah! he has compoased a song just dedicated to me and he was the one who took pains to scrap me and force me to meet him =)). it was great to meet an upcoming music director …:D…his songs rawkkk!!

Shalini : She is like a bottle of honey …:P . so sweet…she invited me to her home, took pains to prepare a menu even for me ….seriously no one has made me feel so special. Thanks a lot babes .love ya soooooooo much :D